thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
