yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When are your genitals available?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize