im holly from the hills drunk
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
