you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
