My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
