I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
