Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
