We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
