totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Randomize