is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
