why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize