We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
