areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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