"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
