the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
