Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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