I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
