How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
