She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
