I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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