OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
