dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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