it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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