Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
