this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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