I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
