You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize