I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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