Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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