i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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