Do you still have your period?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
