i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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