I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
