On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize