you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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