honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
