This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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