I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My penis needs a shock collar
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
