one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
