I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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