My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
