grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
