In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
