My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
