Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
