I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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