Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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