We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hippo gnu deer
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize