her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
