So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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