I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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