Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
