you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're a waste of cheezeits
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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