He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
