Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
