I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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