tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
