P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
