My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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