your room smells of hookers.
And success
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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