I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize