You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
