I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
