# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
