it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
