were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
