my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
