so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
