i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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